Tacenda
by yuuram2fangirl
Summary: Tacenda: things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence Compilation of sorts.


**Disclaimer: Do not own Code Geass.**

 ** _Tacenda: things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence._**

Suzaku never knew what to make of his mother. She is beautiful. Oh yes. She had the traditional Japanese beauty that no one could stop admiring and she is kind to people and animals alike. She always has a smile on her face and she is always polite.

But Suzaku feels like he never knew her. He has spent 6 years of his life with her and yet he doesn't know her.

Of course he cannot claim he knows his father either as the man is even more distant than his mother but at least he knows what kind of person his father is.

 _Cold, manipulative, stubborn and filled to the brim with disdain for other people._

But he never knew anything about his mother.

She is just a woman who had given birth to him and nothing more.

"Suzaku." She whispers one day as she lies on her deathbed and tears gather in Suzaku's eyes but he doesn't understand why since he had never been close to her and he doesn't know her and he isn't supposed to be feeling sad for a stranger and and-

Rin's mouth tilts up in a sad smile as she cups Suzaku's face and wipes away his tears with her fingers.

"Don't cry my baby. My darling." Her eyes fill up with tears and Suzaku bites his lips trying to keep the sobs in as he can feel the life slip out of his _mother_ with every passing moment.

He knows that his father hasn't yet visited his mother since he is busy with some diplomatic business and he has never hated the man more than he does at that particular moment.

It looks like Rin could read the thoughts on his face because she smiles some more before threading her fingers through his unruly brown hair.

"My sweet darling boy. You are going to grow up into a big strong man. A noble and honest one who always helps people." She smiles and Suzaku hates, hates it.

"I-I-" He starts but immediately stops because he has never said them before and he doesn't want to start now. Not now when he is crying and sobbing. He wants to utter those words to her when he is calm and confident. He wants to say it with clear voice and make sure she knows he actually means it despite never having said it before.

So he decides that tomorrow is the day he will tell her how much he loves her because she is his Mother who always bandaged his wounds with a smile, who always protected him from nightmares and lulled him to sleep with old Japanese lullabies.

The next morning dawns, bright and full of hope. He stands in the cemetery as they lower her body in the grave at the Kururugi Shrine itself.

His father just comes for a few minutes before leaving with only a curt nod to acknowledge him.

He doesn't cry this time.

* * *

Lelouch thinks his mother is the most beautiful lady he will ever meet and she is also the most gentle and graceful of all the Emperors wives. He knows that the other ladies in the court are burning with jealousy and he feels his pride increase.

They may whisper and snicker about her being a commoner but it isn't a secret that Marianne is Charles favorite among all the others.

It doesn't mean that Lelouch loves his Father any more. His Father is a man who is just there. He is of no importance to Lelouch. But Lelouch knows how much he means to Marianne so he tries to act respectful towards his father too.

But it isn't easy.

How could he respect a person who didn't care about them?

The memory that stood out most in his mind is of Nunnally's 4th birthday when she had been upset because their father hadn't attended. He would never forget the look on Nunnally's face when their Mother explained her about how their father had a very important meeting to attend and couldn't attend the birthday.

He despised the man.

But he loves his Mother. She is sweet and caring and everything a Mother should be.

He never says 'I love you' to her because he is sure that she already knows. He knows that uttering those words would make it even more special but he waits for some special occasion to say them.

His Mother was a special person and he, normally hesitant on expressing his emotions, would tell her how special she is on her birthday. He collaborates with Nunnally and together they plan a small and sweet surprise that is sure to delight her.

So when she tucks him in at night and smiles and says, "I love you", he doesn't reply but merely smiles at her, biding his time for the right moment when both he and Nunnally can day it together.

The next day he cannot stop shaking when he sees his Mother covered with blood and Nunnally crushed beneath her.

He doesn't attend her funeral and stays by Nunnally's side all the time until it is time to leave for Japan.

He doesn't even visit her grave.

* * *

It is hatred at first sight. Suzaku had seen a lot of Britannians but none of them were so snobby looking like the prince who had come to stay with them.

Suzaku barely spares a glance to the girl on the wheel bound chair, his small mind not exactly understanding the implications. He instead scowls at the dark haired boy who frowns right back at him.

Later, they end up in a fist fight in front of his little sister and it isn't until she begs him to stop beating up her big brother does he stop and actually _look_ at her. And what he sees scares him into running off without another word.

It takes a few days for him to gather his courage and make his way towards the shed where they stay. He unconsciously frowns at the abysmal state of the place they were made to stay in and wondered why his father is acting like this.

"I am- Can we play together?" The words are hard to force out but he manages to twist it into something similar and it is worth the surprised looks on the faces of the siblings even if he doesn't say what he originally meant to say.

It is Nunnally who breaks the awkwardness with a big welcome smile. Seeing the smile, Lelouch's cold exterior softens a bit and Suzaku sees the boy behind the façade, who had lost his mother and wanted to protect his sister from the world.

It is their smiling faces that Suzaku would remember for years to come as he serves in the Britannian Army and he will forever regret never apologizing for everything they had gone through.

For everything they had to suffer.

For what his father had tried to do to them.

But at the moment, when Lelouch and Nunnally are about to sit in the car and leave him behind, he couldn't find the exact words to apologize for what happened when they didn't even know what really happened.

So he keeps quite even when Lelouch promised to destroy Brittania and looks with solemn green eyes as the war takes away his friends from him.

* * *

Inconspicuous was the first word that comes to Lelouch's mind when Ashford first sends Sayoko Shinozaki to take care of Nunnally. For a few days he keeps close eye on her, looking for any signs of irritation or anger at having to take care of a disabled young girl.

(Because he knows that no one other than him would be happy to put up with a disabled girl no matter how cheerful she is or how easy she tries to make things for others)

But the maid could always be found with a polite smile in her face as she does everything necessary for Nunnally.

One day, Lelouch gets stuck in a shop due to the rain. It is thundering and Lelouch frowns and bites his lips when he thinks about the fact that Nunnally is scared of thunder and he often holds her close when thunderstorms came. She is too proud - though she rarely shows it- to ask anyone else for help so he knows that she will be cowering in her room waiting for the storm to pass.

That thought alone makes him speed up and by the time he reaches the house he is drenched to the bone. Despite that, the first thing he does is rush to Nunnally's room. But he doesn't storm in as he hears a sweet voice singing a hauntingly familiar tune that he hasn't heard for years.

It reminds him of summer days, sunflowers, green eyes and the bright spot in dreary days.

The days when Suzaku used to sing this song and Nunnally learnt it before joining in and they eventually convincing Lelouch to join them. Their voices rising above the fear and destruction into the lands of hopes and dreams and those all memories are dragged to the forefront of his mind as he freezes in the hallway with his hand hovering over the door handle.

He slowly opens the door and peeks in.

He sees Sayoko sitting against the headboard, side of Nunnally as she holds the young girl's hand in some sort of comforting gesture. Nunnally lay on the pillow and Lelouch can make out the peaceful expression on her face even from far away.

"Master Lelouch!" Sayoko immediately breaks off when she catches sight of him and even Nunnally seems to break off the reverie she had fallen in.

"Lelouch!" He smiles and enters as Sayoko moves away.

"Tomorrow, I will prepare the food. It's been too long since I made something for Nunnally. So you can teach Nunnally origami." He doesn't need to say it and he knows that Sayoko understands what he is trying to say when she smiles and bows respectfully.

"Of course, Master Lelouch."

The fact that he reveals himself as Zero shows the extent of his trust in her.

There are no words required.

And he is sure that since she is so adept at reading his hidden language by now, she will automatically go to Nun- Empress Nunnally and offer her services after he passes away.

What he doesn't know is that the Empress will look at her with slightly misty eyes as she recalls the old times and shakes her head instead of nodding.

Since Sayoko understands hidden words proficiently, she will merely bow before leaving.

Because she will understand that a part of growing up means letting go of your old toys.

But for now, under the raging sky, she will teach Nunnally origami as Lelouch cooks the food.

They will be a _family_ , for now.

* * *

She is like the elder sister he never had. She is also like a mother to him, who keeps worrying about him even though he doesn't deserve it.

He never remembers seeing anything other than concern and kindness in her eyes whenever she looks at him. Even though he is an Eleven, she treats him like an equal. More surprisingly, she treats him like her brother.

She fusses, prods and gives him advice. She helps him with his homework and cooks for him. She takes care of him when he isn't capable of doing it himself.

Lloyd calls her a Mother Hen and she doesn't refute the claim. Suzaku himself silently agrees with it even if he only smiles on the outside. He never says how much grateful he is for her; just for _being_ there even as he feels worthless. He thinks she understands when she smiles a bit brighter as he accepts her bentos she specially makes for him.

He lost the ability to express his love a long time back and he is thankful for the fact that Cecelie is capable of eating in between the lines so that he doesn't have to say it out loud. Because whoever he loves is eventually taken away from him and if him not admitting it would make them stay then he is ready to do so.

A light touch of his shoulder for encouragement. A jacket spread on him when he falls asleep in the base. Simple gestures that he never knew he missed feels him with joy.

Of course they never talk about it aloud.

But the Bento box waiting for him on the table in the base as he gathers his things to go to school says a lot more than words ever could.

So he makes sure to eat every bite even as he feels like choking because even if it isn't made of the usual ingredients it is filled with love and that is more than enough to fill his stomach.

For him, this simple action speaks louder than words.

* * *

He is lonely but he hides it well. He reasons with himself that a boy like him doesn't need friends. Not when he has already lost one. Suzaku Kururugi is suffering because of him and there is nothing he can do to help him. He doesn't know where the young boy is but he knows that the boy will be tortured by the death of his father for a long time to come.

Lelouch is sure that he just destroys whatever he touches.

His mother, Nunnally, Suzaku.

He doesn't want anyone else to get hurt.

So he keeps to himself and despite the girls fawning over him and the curious glances by his other classmates, he ignores them and concentrates on his notes. He never thinks of himself as a very difficult child and he has the inherent ability to be completely charming when required. But the fact that there is no real need for him to use the ability in school makes it easy to distance himself from others.

Of course, there are a few who never picks up the clues.

He finds himself sitting beside a blue haired boy with a silly grin and a motorcycle. He keeps his face blank and uninterested but the boy seems not to notice his disinterest and continues asking him questions. Lelouch is much too polite to snap at the boy to stay away from him even if he finds the boy rather stupid.

He doesn't miss the way the boy stares at Milly with childish adoration in his eyes and he rolls his eyes and contemplates telling the truth that Milly will never be interested in someone like him.

The only real use that he finds out of his new friend is the fact that he introduces Lelouch to the world of gambling. Of course, Lelouch finds it all extraordinarily boring but it is some time pass and an extra source of income. So he sticks to Rivalz despite how irritating the boy can be.

He tolerates the loudness, the friendly hand around the shoulder and everything else silently.

It isn't until one day when the Noble refuses to pay money and Rivalz hits the bodyguard on the head with his helmet for trying to assault Lelouch instead of running off and saving himself that Lelouch realizes that friendship isn't only about brains and usefulness.

After months of acting arrogant and not talking much he finds it hard to say a simple 'Thank you' as they reach the bike.

Even as he gathers enough courage to open his mouth, Rivalz shoots him a look.

"You don't need to say it for me to know you mean it, okay?"

And Lelouch realizes that maybe - just _maybe_ \- his friend is much more perceptive than Lelouch ever gave him credit for. So he stays quiet and let his answer reflect in his smile as he sits in the sidecar and gets ready for another lecture from Shirley.

But he knows that he won't be alone in that and that it enough to make him feel better.

* * *

He doesn't think about her. She is a classmate; a _friend_ and that may be the only reason he doesn't tell anyone. Lelouch gave him a chance, had forgiven him for the sin he committed so he decides that he should pass on the favor by giving her the benefit of doubt.

It doesn't mean he thinks what she is doing is right but he also knows that she thinks that it is the only way to make a difference.

He wants her to know that it is not the only way, that there were more peaceful ways they could go through. But even as he says this, he is aware of the hypocrisy of his words.

He knows that she doesn't know who Zero is and even if she did know, she will never betray him. She is loyal to a fault and he doesn't know if that is a good thing or a bad one. But that doesn't stop him from grabbing her hand as she thrusts the knife towards him.

He is now a Knight and he knows that she hates him and he also knows that he cannot blame her. For all his nobleness, he's the world's greatest hypocrite.

But he doesn't like the look in her eyes, the all-consuming anger and he abruptly remembers that she _hates_ Britannians, even the innocent ones. She may not hurt them but he also knows that there is nothing stopping her from disposing them if they ever find out her secret like he had. Which is one reason she is trying to kill him.

"Don't think I would hesitate to turn you in if anyone from Ashford gets injured." His voice is deadly calm yet he can feel the fire roaring in him as he tightens his grip on her wrist. He knows he is probably hurting her but her head is held high as she stares at him unwaveringly.

The school corridor is empty and he knows that no one would witness this standoff between them. He wonders if she would try to struggle and throw him off.

But people continue to surprise him. "I would never hurt anyone of my friends." She growls and pulls her hand away.

He blinks in slight shock at the venom in her tone.

"They may be Britannians but they are my _friends._ I rather die than let any harm to any of them." She rubs her wrists while glaring at him.

"I am glad that you-"He starts hesitantly, wondering what caused her to change her mind but he gets cut off.

She points the knife towards him. "You may be one of them but don't for a moment think that I would hesitate to _kill_ you if I meet you in the battlefield." With that, she turns on her heels and stalks away.

It takes him a moment to realize that she had indirectly called him a friend.

It surprises him more to realize that he shares her sentiment.

While he may never consider her any more than an enemy on the battlefield, here, in Ashford, they are just two normal students trying to live the life they have.

And despite the fact that they are against each other on the battlefield, the fact that she would be ready to fight alongside him to keep their friends from harm is enough for now.

That alone gives him hope that things can be changed for the better without any bloodshed.

* * *

Lelouch never thought of himself as a monster. He is evil but not enough to be classified as a monster. Whatever he does has a purpose and isn't only for his benefit.

It is for Nunnally's. And to some extent, the Japanese.

He hates himself for killing off Shirley's father but he never thinks of himself as a monster because of that. He is able to convince himself that the death was for a reason and he will make sure it isn't a waste.

The day he knows he became a monster is when the bullet leaves his gun and lodges itself in Euphemia's chest.

He feels a strange sympathy for Cornelia at that moment when he realizes that there is only one way this can end. He knows that while he might have hated Cornelia before for her callousness towards the Numbers, he will never be able to fault her for anything again. She has every right to hate the Japanese, to hate _Zero_ , after this. He is sure that if it were Nunnally in Euphie's place he would obliterate the whole country just for revenge.

But it isn't Nunnally.

It is Euphie who he loves the most in the family after Nunnally and seeing a gun in her hand breaks his heart.

But he also knows that he has come too far to stop at anything.

So the only thing he can do is give her a mercy killing before anyone else caught up to them. He doesn't want to kill her but he knows that his geass can't be undone and while she may be safe if she is taken to a place with no Japanese people, he knows that she will anyway be driven mad by the grief of the massacre she had unknowingly caused.

So, he stands in front of her, trying not to cry or let any emotion reflect in his voice as he levels a gun at her.

He knows this will be the last time he would see her in this life.

He cannot bring himself to say goodbye.

So he says the nearest thing he can.

 _'You were my first love'_

* * *

Nobody except his mother had ever told Suzaku that they loved him. Even his mother had only uttered those words when she had been on her deathbed. He will never forget that sinking feeling in his chest when he realized he could never say those words back to her.

He had vowed that would never happen again.

But when Euphie declares she loves him and orders him to love her back, he realizes that he doesn't want to utter those words because it would break her heart even more when he dies. He is sure that she already knows what he feels towards her but it will be better if he doesn't verbally express it.

And it is he who is dying, not her.

He finds that he doesn't mind not saying anything as long as he is the one dying. He doesn't have anything to regret that way.

But he comes back alive and faces her again.

He gets back his Knight batch and doesn't have the heart to reject it.

Even then, he thinks that this isn't the right time to say anything; after all, she is a Princess and he is her Knight. Even though she declared her love to him, he wants to wait for a world where he will be allowed to love her without her being taken away by her sister for getting involved with an Eleven.

And they are one step closer to such a world when she declares the Special Administrative Zone. He knows that it is an impulsive move and he wonders what prompts such a sudden decision. But she looks like a true princess as she stands on the Knightmares palm that he doesn't question her but merely allows her to continue talking.

The last time she says I love you is when she is getting ready for the SAZ representation later that day.

He doesn't say it back because he knows that there will be time later, when her plan is successful and the place is peaceful and that's when he plans to confess. Not that it can be called a confession since he is sure that she already knows how he feels about her.

He knows that nothing will happen to her because he is there to protect her. He has the power to keep her safe.

But fate is never kind to him and by the time he returns to his senses, the stadium has turned into a battlefield and she is long gone. But he still has hope that he can save her and it is that hope that keeps him searching through the carnage for his princess.

The smile turns into a scream when he sees a bullet ripping through her chest. He doesn't think and takes her on the ship and begs them to save her.

He doesn't understand what went wrong. He had been so sure that he will be able to protect her and keep her safe. That he wouldn't allow anything to happen to her.

But he never reckons the interference of something supernatural that takes away the one good thing in his life and he is once again left with tears streaming down his face as he clutches her hand and begs her to live.

He doesn't remember to say I love you then.

She doesn't have the breath to do so.

* * *

He stays silent for days end and eats enough only to survive. He knows he isn't welcome but the Knights are too professional to let it show. Of course, their silent demeanor gives everything away but he can live with that.

It is still better than what he had faced at Ashford Academy, at least until Lelouch had-

He stops himself there and continues to train mechanically. There isn't much that can make him smile and he keeps his old Knight batch in his left pocket to always remind him of what he had lost; of what he couldn't protect.

No one approaches him until one day the Knight of Five returns from his visit to his mother. The Knight is all smiles and laughter and complete opposite of Suzaku. Suzaku wonders if Knights got their position because of their family instead of talent.

He quickly reframes his theory as he is reaches a stalemate in his battle with Gino. Lloyd mourns the damages done to the Lancelot but he has eyes only for the smirking pilot who seems to enjoy himself. Suzaku has a feeling that the pilot had taken it lightly like a game rather than anything else.

"Suzaku Kururugi, Knight of Seven. I understand now why His Majesty has appointed you." The hand around his shoulder is heavy as Gino puts half his weight on Suzaku. Suzaku stumbles a bit and realizes that he has grown even thinner than before.

As if reading his mind, Gino raises an eyebrow. "You are too thin. We will have to fix that." The accompanying grin is brighter than Suzaku is used to and he looks away. "Come on. I will introduce you to Anya too."

It isn't until he has eaten and taken three more helpings that Suzaku realizes that his lips had twisted upwards into a smile as he listens to Gino talk about the nobility and how boring they were and how interesting the commoners are. The expression feels foreign on his face. A click goes off and it takes a moment for him to realize that there is a girl with a camera aimed at him.

"Recorded." Suzaku blinks as Gino introduces her as Anya. She shows him the photo and he reels back at the brightness on his face even though his smile is small. He looks pale and a bit sick but the joy on his face cannot be mistaken

He turns towards them and opens his mouth to say something. Anything. But nothing comes out.

The only indication that they understand what he is trying to say is the widening of Gino's smile.

"Let us reacquaint you with the rest of the Knights shall we?"

He may have locked his heart but he doesn't have a problem giving out the key for a few select people.

* * *

He stands in front of her and gazes at her pinched face. She seems so sad and he realizes that she must be so scared to find herself in an unknown place with no explanation.

And no Lelouch.

He swallows as he approaches her. Her head titles to the side as she tries to figure out who it is.

He doesn't say anything as he places a hand over hers. She immediately grasps it and starts running her soft fingers over this palm.

"Suzaku?" He finds out that he can't answer and settles for nodding before realizing that she cannot see. Luckily for him, she doesn't think that his lack of answer is odd and keeps her head tilted upwards towards him. They stay silent for a few moments.

"How is everyone?" She asks and Suzaku can sense the worry in her tone and by the tiny furrows in between her eyebrows. He squeezes her hand just a little to reassure her since he still can't seem to find his voice. He realizes that it would be easier to lie to her since she didn't have the visual clues to help her guess when anyone is lying.

But he is also aware of her abilities to detect lies just by a touch.

"He is alive isn't he?" Her finger lightly touches his pulse.

He sometimes forgets that she is the sister of Lelouch vi Britannia and could be just as sharp as her brother.

"I really don't know, Nunnally." His voice sounds a little raspy, like he has been crying for days.

She stays silent for a few moments before nodding. Her smile is soft and sad as she bends her head down to hide her tears. "Sorry for doubting you. It's just- I miss him a lot."

He also forgets that she is also the sister of Euphemia la Brittania and would believe anyone without hesitating. Especially if it was someone she trusted.

But somehow, that does nothing to erase the guilt he feels at the look on her face.

* * *

He is a destroyer. He destroys everything he touches.

His mother. Nunnally. Suzaku. Euphie.

And now….. Shirley.

He tries and tries to keep her safe. He does everything in his power to keep her away from him so she would not come to any harm but in the end, he is still kneeling side of her dying body as he begs her not to die.

She is one of his closest friends and he knows that this death may be worse than Euphie's. Because Euphie has been a _princess_ and there is always a danger when you are one of the royal family.

But Shirley is just a normal girl. She isn't supposed to be involved in this war. She is supposed to be in the Ashford Academy, safe in her world.

She isn't supposed to come barging back into his world after he pushed her back out.

She talks and he can't help but let the tears flow free.

He doesn't remember the last time he had cried for anyone, even Euphie and he is sure that he doesn't like the feeling.

He doesn't know what his last words to her would have been even if he had been able to talk through the tears.

I love you? I am sorry? Thank you?

Maybe all of them? Maybe none of them?

He doesn't know and he is sure that he will never have the chance to find out as he looks out the window and waits for his humanity to return.

It doesn't.

* * *

It is so startlingly similar to Euphie that he freezes when he sees the body.

If he was close to anyone on the Student Council it would be Shirley. She is the only one who never seems to have any problem with him despite anything anyone else said.

He doesn't remember the last time he had a proper conversation with her but he knows that their last conversation would forever be etched in his memory.

 _'Nothing in this world is unforgivable'_ These words keeps on repeating in his head as he tries to figure out what she tried to tell him.

He is sure that she meant in in relation with Lelouch but that means she knew about Zero but that doesn't make sense because they would have known if that was the case and it doesn't make sense that she will shield Lelouch because he had killed her father and-

And she is just like Euphie who always sees the best in a person and tries to help them even if it takes their life.

And he thinks of all the way she tried to include him a year back and decides that her death is as bad as Euphie because he never even gets the chance to say good bye.

It is only when the Zero Requiem is a few days away that he remembers her again and he thinks of the fact that he will never get the chance to thank her for being his friend and sending him in the right direction before he had the chance to lose himself to his rage.

He will never get the chance to thank her for giving him his best friend back.

But he guesses that she knew it anyways.

* * *

If there is anyone who deserved to die it would have to be him. At least that's what Lelouch believes in with all his heart. He doesn't even have Nunnally to worry about anymore so he can go out quietly without any complaints.

He knows that he has failed miserably.

He has failed Nunnally. He has failed his mother. But for some reason he cannot bring himself to care.

His vengeance isn't worth anything in a world where he has no one to achieve it for.

So he stands in front of the firing squad with his head held high because despite his defeat, despite the fact that he is going to die soon, he is still _Zero_ , the man of miracles and the man who managed to throw the world into chaos.

What he doesn't anticipate is being saved by the person he wanted to kill.

He clambers in and starts to shout at Rollo, some idle part of his mind noticing the locket he gave to Rollo open and a sweet yet haunting melody float from it. He keeps on screaming until he notices that something isn't right, that Rollo is beginning to look haggard and he starts to panic.

 _Why?_ He screams and tries to understand the answer but Rollo smiles as another ship blasts.

 _'_ _Big brother is a liar isn't he?'_

Despite that, he cannot say the words. He has spent so many days hating his fake brother that the words (I Love You) get stuck in his throat and by the time he untangles them Rollo closes his eyes forever.

So he clutches the locket in between his fingers and smiles sadly. _"_ _Yes, your big brother is a liar."_

* * *

"Big battle huh?" Lloyd swoops in and is grinning from ear to ear. Suzaku is once again reminded of the fact that Lloyd is a sociopath who doesn't care about the human sacrifices.

But some part of Suzaku considers Lloyd as family despite the man's many eccentricities and apathetic personality.

He smiles back grimly and refrains from saying anything. He is sure that if Lloyd knew about the conclusion of this battle he would be devastated. Lloyd could take the burden of millions of deaths but he wouldn't like the fact that his dear Lancelot would be one of the casualties.

"Well, I hope you put the Lancelot to good use since this is its last opportunity to shine." With that simple sentence Suzaku's attention is back on the scientist who isn't looking at him but rather at the machine wistfully.

Suzaku doesn't know whether to ask Lloyd what he meant by it or just let it be.

His decision is made when Lloyd shakes out of his trance and grins. "Oh well. Development is more important." Lloyd drifts towards the computers for a pre- flight check while Suzaku stands staring after him.

Now Suzaku had no doubt that Lloyd knew exactly how this is going to end. He knows that the scientists' brain ran on a different wavelength than others and it isn't surprising that he would be one of the few to figure it out. But Suzaku guesses that as long as he doesn't reveal it to anyone else, Lelouch doesn't need to know that his plan is transparent to someone.

"Ready, my dear devicer?" Suzaku smiles at the familiar term and he knows that Lloyd will be one person he will definitely miss once he is exiled to his life as Zero.

And he is thankful that Lloyd never thought twice about the fact that he is Japanese before putting him in the Lancelot.

The fact that the scientist is one of the first people who truly believed in him is enough to give him courage to see this through.

* * *

He leans against her for comfort and protection. She is his shield even if she tries to deny it and there is nothing that can change that fact.

She anchors him to reality as he thinks about what he was about to do tomorrow and there is something so grounding about it that he manages to keep the panic at bay at the thought of the sword piercing through his chest to end it once and for all.

Because despite what everyone else thinks Lelouch is afraid of dying.

But he is even more afraid of living for ever; in a life where he will be forever trapped by his code.

He knows that CC would have no qualms giving him her Code if he just asked but he doesn't. He reasons that it is for his atonement but he knows that the real atonement for him would be to live forever with no one there to keep him sane. It doesn't mean he has to admit it out loud though.

CC doesn't say anything as she links their hands together and he knows that she wouldn't be present at the parade. He likes to think that she knows him well enough to imagine how he would react

"It's been a long journey hasn't it?" CC asks and Lelouch understands the weight behind her words. For an immortal like CC, a year or two doesn't make any difference; it is a grain of sand in a huge hourglass. But for her to admit that the two years they had spent together was a _long_ journey told him more than her words ever did.

"It was." He smiles at the ceiling. "But a rather exciting one don't you think so?" He asks.

She stays quiet, staring at the ceiling as if contemplating some deep mystery of life.

They stay in silence the rest of the night and it is only the gentle squeezing of his fingers that clue in him to how she truly felt.

For someone so blunt, she doesn't admit her feelings so easily.

But that may be a blessing in a way, since he knows that it would be hard to go to his death knowing that he would be breaking more than a single person's heart.

* * *

"And that-"

"Is the Zero Requiem." Suzaku finishes as he takes the Zeros mask from Lelouch. It is a symbol that he had once hated with a passion. He wants to snort at the irony.

It is like the world is mocking them.

He looks up to study his oldest friend. He can clearly see the dark circles around Lelouch's eyes even though the room is sparely lit. He also notices the way Lelouch stands, his bones more prominent than it had ever been.

He asked many times before whether Lelouch still wanted to go through with the plan and each time Lelouch's answer had been the same. He can see the hopelessness in Lelouch's eyes as he stands in front of Suzaku with his head held high.

He knows that it isn't that Lelouch wanted to die, it is more of the fact that he thinks he has no other choice. And Suzaku wants to argue that there are many other ways where he can fake his death and go into hiding with the Witch. He may not have the chance to meet anyone but at least he will still be alive.

 _Don't die._

 _Please live._

 _Don't leave me alone._

All these words bubbles to his lips but the only ones that came out are "Don't be afraid."

For a moment Lelouch stares at him and Suzaku is sure that he knows what is going on in Suzaku's mind. "I stopped being afraid when I realized that the biggest monster out there was me." And it isn't the confident smirk that Suzaku had gotten used to but a broken smile of a shattered man who he once called his best friend.

Who still is and will always be.

"And I think it's time to put the monster to rest isn't it? The fairy tale had gone on for long enough."

Suzaku knows that he should protest and try to say that no, he isn't a monster and things like that but he himself didn't believe in it. He wants to stop Lelouch but it is too late and he merely nods.

Lelouch smiles in the way that says that he knows exactly what Suzaku is thinking yet chooses not to say anything about it.

And they stand there, staring at each other for what feels like a long time before Suzaku nods again; a small jerk of his head that is forced and Lelouch cracks another one of his broken smiles.

The words unspoken hang heavy between them but none of them take the trouble to vocalize it.

Because they both know that it's a bit too late for them and that voicing anything will mend their friendship but break the Zero Requiem. So they keep quiet for the sake of the world and Suzaku reflects that this may have been the worst moment for them to choose to be selfless.

But he knows that they also have to live up to the label put on them and nothing, not even the heavy silence filled with words, will stop them.

* * *

He slides down the float gracefully, staring up at the blue, blue sky. He smiles at the deceptive weather and feels the irony.

He has passed on the weight of the world to Suzaku and he will have to bear it for the rest of his life. Lelouch knows that even now he is being selfish; he gets to die while his best friend has to spend the years atoning for something Lelouch had a large part in.

Nunnally's face swims in his view and he can vaguely hear her scream for him not to die. But he cannot be sure and he doesn't want to take the risk of her rejecting him.

His sister is the one person he loves the most and no amount of betrayals will ever the change the fact. He knows that she will not miss him; she called him a monster and maybe that is what he is. He reflects that it is for the best since she will strive to be the complete opposite of him and usher the world into an era of peace.

He set the stage; she will be the Queen.

But it won't hurt any less to hear her say _'_ _You're a monster'_ or _'_ _I hate you'_ one last time.

So instead of saying _I love you_ like he wants to he smiles and says, _'_ _I destroy worlds and….. create them… anew….'_

And with that he closes he eyes forever and rests in peace.

* * *

He hates Geass. There hadn't been much of a reason to think of Geass in the years following Lelouch's death but after 60 years of the Zero Requiem, he curses Geass as he lies on his death bed.

The queen sized bed is in one of the many rooms of the Pendragon Palace where Nunnally has requested him to stay instead of leaving her behind.

He had left the job of Zero years ago as his younger years exploits took a toll on his body and he had roamed the World without a mask on.

But he felt his slowly failing body and had decided to come back to Brittania to say his last goodbye to Nunnally. It is only when she begged him to stay did he listen. He hesitates but one look into her violet eyes has him nodding along with her.

He reflects on how much power she still has over him despite being 75 years old with children and a husband.

"So you are ready to die?" Suzaku doesn't even flinch as the slight mocking voice floats all the way towards him.

"What are you doing here?" There is no hatred in his voice; he is long past the stage of hating anyone by now. Even if he hates Geass.

"Came to pay my final respects", comes the reply almost immediately. He glances to the side and sees her sitting by the window staring out into the Garden.

"Wow, that's a bit more love than I am used to." His voice has lost all strength and he is merely a shadow of who he once was. She doesn't reply and he gets the sense that she is lost in her own thoughts.

He starts to drift off to sleep but her voice cuts through the haze. "You are really a fool." She says and he forces his eyes to open and look at her. She stares right back at him with her golden cat like eyes and it unnerves him now as much as it used to before.

"You sound like Lelouch." And he says that with a wistful tone because he is suddenly missing his best friend who had given his life up for the world.

"You are anyway going to meet him soon." CC shrugs as she comes closer to the bed.

"In hell." Suzaku says as a means of agreement.

She doesn't reply as she slides beside him into the bed and he gets the feeling that he should be protesting but he feels so drained and it is good to have a warm weight against him rather than the cold like he had been used to for all these years.

He gets the feeling that he should be saying something, anything, referring to all the years that had passed in surprising peace and of all the memories he has with her but he doesn't have the strength to do anything except hold her loosely and close his eyes.

She lies beside him quietly, staring at the ceiling even as his heartbeat begins to slow down.

She stays there as he takes his last breath.

She doesn't move even as his body starts to slowly cool down.

It is only when the sun starts to set after sometime that she gets up and glances back at the face of the man who had carried the weight of the world on his shoulders for all these years.

She smiles sadly when she realizes that for all his bravado about dying, Lelouch could never see any of his close ones die.

It is one of the reasons he saved the life of Suzaku Kururugi again and again, giving him a purpose to live for.

"The apple can fall away from the tree." She mutters as she makes her way towards the door.

Nunnally would cry and be horribly sad but she knows the young girl well enough to predict that she will also be happy that the man she once loved will be reunited with his best friend and his true love at last.

 **Author Notes:** **Wrote this in one-sitting. Forgive me for any mistakes. Review!**


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